I don’t know how to start this intro. I have struggled my entire life with my weight. I’ve done every diet fad imaginable and I’m still very overweight. I’ve probably gained and lost over 500 pounds in my lifetime – no joke. This blog is just my place to share my triumphs and failures (because I know I will have both) on my journey to losing 100+ pounds. It’s my place to be real and honest and unguarded. It’s my place to set my goals and talk about if I achieve them and be accountable if I don’t about why I didn’t and what I will do different to make sure I get to where I want to go.
Two years ago, I was 90 pounds lighter than I am right now. I can’t even believe how much my weight has fluctuated just over the last two years, let alone from 13 and up. At my heaviest, I weighed 300 pounds. I’m now 270 (that is so hard to admit… I haven’t told my partner what my weight is and am embarrassed to since he is 6’2″ and fit and gorgeous – go me, right?). I gave birth to my second daughter almost three months ago and weighed 292 pounds when she was born. I quickly lost around 35 pounds but have gained 10 back.
I am an emotional/stress/celebratory eater. I eat for all emotions though. Happy? Eat. Sad? Eat. Getting your period? Eat. It’s Tuesday? Eat. Need a shower? Let’s eat first. And I’m a secret eater which is really the worst. I buy food and scarf it down and hide the evidence. And then I feel like shit. It’s like that comedian Louis C.K. said, “The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.”.
I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to be healthy and physically fit. I want my depression and anxiety to go away or at least not be as debilitating as it has been. I want to be proud of myself. I want to make my girls proud. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to prove that little (big) voice in my head wrong and shut it up once and for all.
I hope that if anyone reads this, you join me for this journey. We can support each other. We could all use all of the support we can get.